In my first semester of grad school, I noticed the same pattern in every class I was in. 75-80% of the students were women, and only 20-25% were men. I should note that I am speaking in general binary terms for the sake of this article and not meaning to exclude any other gender identities. That said, where were all the men in therapy? As someone who identifies as a man, I was curious what created such a large gap in equality among genders. After all, this field was originally founded by old white men like Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, but now had a ratio so far in the opposite direction that something must have happened.
Disclaimer
This feels like a good place to offer up a disclaimer that men dominate enough fields in this world. In no way am I out here championing “more men” as a cause. Equality and equity across the board means less men, especially less white men. This field seems to be the exception to the rule, however. There is a serious deficiency in males, especially in the subcategory of people of color. That said, where are all the men in counseling?
Men as Therapy Clients
When I first had this question, I researched it from the point of a client. After all, I was only in school to be a counselor because of all of the amazing light bulb moments I was able to have in therapy as a client. Why weren’t more men seeking therapy for themselves? I found some obvious answers, and some less so. Mostly, I found a population of passionate clinicians asking the same question and doing research to find out why. One of these clinicians, Dr. Aaron Rochlen, used his professorial position at University of Texas to research this topic and come up with many different explanations among his dozens of published works. Through entirely too much reading, I was able to find some commonalities that stood in the way for men, as well as some newer ideas that opened things up.
Barriers to Men Seeking Therapy
First, the barriers that prevent many men from seeking counseling. The biggest barrier to men seeking therapy across the board is masculinity norms. The idea that friends and family will think of a man as less masculine if he sees a therapist is something that stands out among all cultures. Although each generation seems to open up a little more, it would appear the hyper-macho mentality of never talking about how you feel is still a prevailing idea amongst men in modern society.
Second, there is an innate sense of “I can fix it myself” built into the male psyche. When a man feels depressed or anxious, they are determined to fix it themselves. This bleeds over into an inability to ask for help, as well. Unfortunately, what can end up happening in many cases of depression and anxiety is self-medicating, usually in the form of alcohol and drugs, which ends up further numbing the individual and exacerbating the problem.
Third, there are cultural norms that assist in the idea of masculinity as a barrier, such as the idea of machismo in LatinX culture. Many cultures believe men should be strong, stoic, emotionless, and what’s worse is that the emotions that are “allowed” are anger and aggression. In addition to that, many cultures have built-in beliefs about family privacy which prevent therapy from even being an option, as it is dishonorable to share the private details of your family to a stranger.
Unconventional Method for Men to get into Therapy
As far as other options that men seem to be more open to, those range from wild to nearly sneaky, but effective nonetheless. The first and possibly most far out and expensive is adventure therapy. This is a group of men going somewhere in the wilderness with trained guides and therapists to do some stereotypical masculine activities (climbing, hunting, camping, etc.) and mixing in therapy during the retreat. These have shown very positive results and more men seem open to these events because of the masculine aspect of the activity, itself.
The next one, which is far more common, is group therapy. This can be something as common and organized as an Alcoholic Anonymous meeting, or something slightly less common such as anger management or grief therapy. The idea is that one man will witness another man being vulnerable and open and it will show him the space is safe to be that way, himself. In a group environment, it will always feel easier to do what the rest of the group is doing in order to play into a sense of belonging.
The final one, which sounds more sneaky than it is, is couples therapy. Research has found that men who participate in couples therapy are more likely to seek out therapy on their own than those who have never had the opportunity to sit in that environment. The idea here is pretty simple. In successful couples therapy, both parties have to do some measure of personal growth. Growth and change, as difficult as they are, feel really good and it’s natural to want to find more ways to bring out the best version of yourself.
Men as Clinicians
As far as men as clinicians, like myself, I have yet to read that research. It’s not a field you get into for a seven figure salary, sure, but it may be one of the most rewarding fields out there. While I don’t know the exact answer for why more men aren’t seeking careers as counselors, I have to imagine it’s because most men aren’t seeking counseling for themselves. Like myself, one thing can very often lead to the other if the passion strikes.
All I know is that I am proud to be a male counselor. Years ago, I sought out a male counselor myself and after multiple phone calls and waitlists, I eventually gave up. My hope is that I can be here for someone doing the same, except you know, without the waitlists and lack of availability. I want to be here for you. I am here for you.
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