As more and more people are entering retirement age, there are a few key things to be aware of as your time opens up. This is nothing new in the grand scheme of things. For decades, people have reached a certain age (one that continues to increase) that makes them eligible for retirement. The commonality that is just as true today as it was with the first generation to collect social security is that most people don’t plan for all that free time. Going from a steady schedule and routine to a world without barriers can be a jolting experience; one that can lead to boredom, depression, and more. Preparing yourself for that time, or at least having some awareness of the potential red flags, can be helpful and put you that many more steps ahead of other people in your shoes. So here some of my thoughts on retirement.
Coca-Cola vs. Red Bull
First, I want to start with an analogy to express some of the risks that you may already be a victim of and not even know it. Before the turn of the century, you may have been like many Americans when it came to your caffeinated beverages. A cup of coffee in the morning and maybe a Coca-Cola with lunch and/or dinner. This was the caffeine source you knew about and utilized and it was just enough, maybe even more than enough depending on your caffeine sensitivity.
Then, one day you see a new drink in the store with strong, brightly colored cattle on the can. You think to yourself, ‘I’m someone who likes to grab life by the horns, I’ll give this new drink a try!’ So you give the clerk $1.99 (more than a Coke, for sure), and you take the 8.4 ounce can home and pop it open. It’s a small can, so you finish it pretty quick. Suddenly, you feel like it’s 25 years prior and you’re hanging out, doing cocaine with Clapton. Red Bull has twice the caffeine of Coca-Cola, in a can ⅔ the size. That doesn’t even count the effects from all of the energy inducing herbs they started pumping into these drinks like taurine, guarana, and gluconolactone.
What does this have to do with retirement?
I don’t raise this example as a way to reiterate the trope of ‘things were different back in my day,’ but instead to point out that when things do change and become normalized in society, it is often the older generations that are left to figure it out for themselves and adapt to situations, ingredients, and technology that had previously never existed for them. The issue with that is that we develop a lot of our coping methods, healthy or unhealthy, when we are younger, so when we are faced with something new, especially something designed to be addictive, we can be caught off guard and taken advantage of.
Treacherous Tech
For those that have recently left the workforce to retire, or those looking at that date coming down the line, you may have it the hardest of anyone. There is more accessibility and traps to occupy your time than ever before, and some of it switched over so gradually that you may not have even noticed, or at least stopped to think about its effect on you and those around you. In this, I want to discuss a few multimedia items that tend to be destructive more than constructive when you are first faced with a lot of extra free time. Specifically, streaming television, TikTok, YouTube, and pornography.
Streaming Television
It should be noted right out of the gate that this is an issue for many people right now, but especially those with a sudden burst in free time. Between Netflix, Hulu, Max, Disney, Apple, Amazon, and about a billion other streamers, the average consumer of tv shops and movies has a literally endless set of options. This can present you with the all too common issue of decision fatigue, in which you find yourself scrolling through trailers and previews, unable to decide on what you want to watch. It can also present you with the problem of watching too much. When we have a sudden burst of free time and not a lot of responsibilities, we can get caught in the trap of filling it with the easiest form of entertainment.
Is it still okay to watch?
That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with occasionally binge watching your favorite TV show, but what you’ll notice with nearly every streamer out there is the nonstop playability. As soon as an episode ends, the next one starts. When a movie is over, before you get one minute into the credits, something else starts playing. Other than the occasional reality check of Netflix asking “Are you still watching?” (provided you didn’t disable that feature), we don’t get the pause that used to come naturally at the end of a show or during a commercial. Even commercials on streamers hold extra stakes as they countdown to when the show will be back, providing just enough anxiety to not do anything during the commercial, or too short of a break to actually get anything done anyway.
The point is that the system is designed to keep you sitting there in your easy chair, fat and happy. If you have time to fill, these streaming services will fill this time for you, and you don’t even have to ask!
TikTok
Many people are surprised to find out how many people over 50 use TikTok. At over 160 million users in the U.S., and around 10% of them being over 50, that’s 16 million users that are swiping through videos at the same rapid rate that their kids and grandkids are. TikTok, like all social media, is designed to keep you logged in and using it. Unlike Facebook or Instagram’s endless scroll of articles and pictures, TikTok has the endless swipe of videos, and with the advancements in the technology used to create algorithms, it is potentially the most dangerous social media platform out there. That said, it should be noted that upon the success of the platform, Meta (Instagram and Facebook), as well as YouTube and others, took the same basic structure of short videos that went on forever and incorporated it into either own platforms.
How to deal with the time-suck in retirement
When I first joined TikTok, I would do the same as everyone else during the peak times of the COVID-19 pandemic: I would swipe and watch videos for over an hour, realize it had been over an hour, feel crappy about my lack of productivity, and repeat the same pattern the next day. When I realized that TikTok was such a time suck, I began to try and utilize that feature as a way to make things that are less pleasant go by quicker. All that to say that I exclusively watch TikTok on the treadmill now and I get both buckets filled: I see the videos I want and my exercise time seems to go by much quicker!
Boomers and Gen-X are particularly affected by the short videos and flash cuts that encompass most content online because they were not subjected to that as children. When they were learning and developing attention spans, especially through media like TV shows and movies, things took time. Shots were long. Scenes were drawn out. Don’t believe me? Try to sit an 8-year-old in front of a TV that only plays 1970s content and see how long they last.
YouTube
In the grand scheme of things, YouTube is a little more harmless, but not without its own risks. When you grow up only getting to see videos about your interests if a documentary company decides to make them, it’s exciting to suddenly have access to countless videos about your interests. In fact, you may even find some new interests, too! My father-in-law, for instance, loves watching reaction videos of younger people discovering some classic rock songs for the first time. This genre of videos didn’t even exist before the last 10-15 years.
Whatever you’re into, or potentially into, can be found on YouTube. Much like the TV streamers, you can end up caught in a loop. There are links on the right side of every video you watch that are similar or related to that video. They prompt you to watch the next one, and the next one, and the next one, etc. Without warning you can find yourself down a rabbit hole. It started with a classic Cream performance and ended with some guy in Buffalo putting rubberbands around a watermelon. The internet is a crazy place, but it knows how to take your time.
Pornography
I think this one is specifically worth mentioning because no one wants to talk about it. Back in the day, there were magazines; Playboy, Penthouse, and even Hustler. Then videos became more mainstream as VHS made adult films more accessible. DVDs created more content in this world, but access was still through places like adult bookstores or mail-order catalogs. Then, the internet came along. It started just like the physical media- mainly pictures. Then, as bandwidth grew and technology got better, suddenly videos were available online. No longer did people have to go to backrooms or park their car behind a Lover’s Lane for a movie.
With accessibility, the content shifted, as well. The regular sex videos you would typically see in the aforementioned physical stores turned into specific content. Things like fetishes, and other miscellaneous categories that you may have never heard of prior to the internet. Regardless of your thoughts on pornography, it’s important to acknowledge how it has shifted today compared to 40 years ago. The pornography available today is easier to get, more graphic, and more interactive than ever before. With the rise of sites like OnlyFans, consumers can interact directly with adult stars, professional or amateur. In addition, there are countless sites available to chat with other adults, either for free or with a charge. This is far and away from the old America Online chat rooms you possibly used in the 90s.
Feeling shame…
The big issue with this for folks approaching retirement is the shame and the hiding. With all of the previous topics, they’re out in the open. You’re in the living room, at the dining table, etc. When you venture down the path of pornography, you typically do it alone. The thing that hasn’t changed too much since the days of backrooms at rental stores, is the shame. The shame can accompany doing what someone or what society perceives to be as bad. When you do something you feel ashamed of, you also try to hide it. Hiding inevitably leads to lies. Suddenly, you have a whole clusterfuck of a situation because you curiously clicked on a link.
This is possibly the hardest one to deal with because no one wants to talk about it. Whether they don’t want to talk about it with their spouse/partner, their friends, or even with their therapist! The secrecy becomes more shame and the little bits of dopamine you feel from whatever interaction you partake in is the goto resolution of feeling like crap, so you just repeat the behavior over and over again.
Moderation, Planning, and Communication
The solution to all of the above? Moderation. Combined with self-awareness, moderation and planning can help keep you occupied in healthy ways. This will help to ease your transition into the next phase of your life. No one is asking you to stop watching Netflix, or delete your TikTok account, or even completely avoid pornography. The caveat is recognizing why you’re doing it, how often, and what those two observations may tell you. Here are some steps you can take to help deal with free time and live a happy retirement.
Talk to your partner
- Whether your partner is also retiring or if they have been at home for years, they are your partner. In a partnership, you have to have discussions. Open up about what you are expecting in retirement and what you would like to do. If you want to take trips, talk about when and how much it will cost. If you want to fix up the house, make a list of projects and the best way to tackle them.
- Talk about sex. This should be happening regardless of your retirement status. Everyone’s needs, wants, and desires are different and they shift throughout your life. Do not pretend to know how your partner feels about sex. Especially if you haven’t really talked about it in the last 10 years.
Make a schedule
- Chances are, you have lived with a schedule for your entire life. Whether it was school or work, you have lived a structured life in this way and it is silly to expect yourself to be able to jump into a completely unstructured life without a safety net. Whether you use a paper calendar, dry erase board, or a Google calendar, make a schedule, and stick to it! Hold yourself accountable! Be realistic about time constraints for tasks (even if that task is golf or fish), and then follow your schedule.
Set time limits
- With everything we have discussed today, hopefully you aren’t feeling any immediate resistance to this one. Setting time limits for how long you’re going to be watching TV, swiping TikTok, or any other time-suck activity, will help you feel better about how you spend your time, as well as help you avoid falling behind on your goals.
Hopefully this has been helpful to think about, but if you feel like you have more questions or want to schedule some time to talk about some of your concerns, even if they aren’t on this list, let’s set something up!
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