When I was 12 years old, I was introduced to Advanced Dungeons & Dragons by a couple of friends. They were outcasts just like me. In addition to the creative itch that D&D scratched, it helped create a community of friends. More importantly, with those friends, you could be yourself. I taught the game to new friends and they did the same. Whether it was my interest, my lack of free time, or other life things, I eventually quit playing.
Dungeons & Dragons for an Elder-Millennial
Then, decades later as I started my 30s, one of those same people I taught to play D&D as a teenager reached out. He asked if I wanted to come play a game he was running. Lots had changed since I last played, including TSR being purchased by Wizards of the Coast. I was happy to hear that I missed out on the horrors of 3rd and 4th edition, and I was introduced to 5th edition. So long, THAC0! I felt confident that I could jump back into the fantasy roleplaying game. When I did, though, I was surprised by how much I missed two things. One was my ability to roleplay well. The other was the sense of belonging that comes with these games.
I am of the elder-millennial generation that loved nerd shit when it was still nerd shit. Before the top-grossing films were affiliated with Marvel, I was obsessed with The six-part Venom series. I spent my Saturday mornings with the X-Men. At the same time, if anyone asked what my friends and I were doing, we responded that we were playing some games, not that we were playing Dungeons and Dragons. We loved it, but we weren’t willing to get beat up for it. There was a natural draw to the game from kids who felt on the outskirts of teenage social politics. Plus there were dragons and dungeons, and those things were cool.
Escaping into the Fantasy
Part of the draw of a fantasy roleplaying game like D&D is the element of escapism. If the world is on fire, you can escape into the game. If you’re unhappy with your character sheet in life: relationship status, income, job, etc.; you can just go be something else. The more time you spend being a 250-year-old Dwarven Fighter who saves the day and doesn’t take shit from anybody, the less painful it is to be the 28-year-old Human Salesman who lives at home and definitely takes shit from people. The problem comes when one is used as a tool to avoid the other.
From Dungeons and Dragons to elaborate MMORPGs like WarCraft and Elder Scrolls, the ability to sink into a fantasy world with a group of like-minded individuals is easier than ever. This can be fun and very healthy, but can also turn into a way to avoid and shirk responsibilities. Need to figure out college stuff? Maybe when I’m done raiding with friends. Need to come up with a plan for work or for moving out? Maybe when I’m done making my new character (after all, the new 2024/2025 rules just came out).
In addition, especially with the video games, someone is always there. We play with people all over the world, in every time zone, so we can just log on whenever we’re feeling like not doing the hard stuff and instead spend that time with like-minded people doing other hard stuff, like overthrowing a kingdom of orcs. It’s no easy feat, believe me.
Dungeons & Dragons & Therapy
This is where therapy can be a good tool to add to your character sheet. When we are feeling stuck or stagnant, it can easily turn to overwhelm. Trying to figure out the steps to achieve our goals might end up looking like an impossible task, pushing us to avoid it more and escape more. This inevitably brings on shame and low self-worth, including depression. Talking to someone can help in breaking those things down into smaller problems. More importantly, it can help in identifying some of the core beliefs and root causes of why those roadblocks are there to begin with.
It is perfectly normal to want to tackle life’s problems on your own, especially if there are any problems you are ashamed of. The truth is, though, we all need help sometimes. Think of that D&D game. Anytime you are tackling a problem- be it lich, dragon, or drow -it is always easiest when you have a balanced party. Adding a therapist to your life can help you create that balanced party you need to take on life’s issues. Once you gain more of your own self-confidence and self-worth, you will feel better able to fight the proverbial dragon on your own and eventually Level Up in life!
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