What comes to mind when you hear the word “authenticity”? What does it mean to be authentic? In life, we go through many phases, showing up as different versions of ourselves. Sometimes we are masking or mirroring, showing up as those around us, or how we see others showing up. Historically, this is sometimes done for safety or to fit in. Sometimes, it’s both. How often, though, are you showing up as your true self? How often are you being authentic?
Adjustments can still be authentic
When we adjust our behaviors based on our environment, it does not mean we are being inauthentic. For instance, you wouldn’t yell the same things at your daughter’s soccer game that you would yell at the Detroit Lions game. That doesn’t mean you’re being any less authentic of a person at your daughter’s soccer game. You are just adjusting your authentic self to the environment around you. This does not mean that all adjustments are authentic, though.
In a similar situation, if you would not normally be a social butterfly or a gossip, but you find yourself in that persona, ask yourself why. Often times, when we make adjustments to make others happy (commonly referred to as people pleasing), we may be acting in a way that is in contrast to our authentic self.
Authenticity requires boundaries
Authentic people have good boundaries. They understand how they interact with the world and how they allow the world to interact with them. Knowing what is appropriate for yourself and what you are comfortable with is one thing. Being able to voice that to others and enforce those limits when the situation calls for it is another thing altogether. Setting and holding boundaries. In doing this, you honor yourself and allow for your authentic self to have the space to operate.
This does not mean authentic people are stagnant. If you are being truly authentic, then you are flexible and operate with a growth mindset. Someone being their authentic self at 22 (a hard task by itself) is going to be different as their authentic self at 42.
How do I know if I am being authentic?
If you’re wondering if you are showing up as an authentic version of yourself, ask yourself some of these questions and do a 10-minute free write on the answers you are curious about.
- What person or group of people make me feel like I can’t be myself?
- When someone crosses a boundary I have made in my mind, am I able to communicate that to them?
- When I censor myself (inevitable), is it to match the appropriateness of the setting or to fit in with a specific crowd?
- When something hurts my feelings, do I know why? Am I being compassionate towards myself? Am I curious about the things that cause me pain?
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