Is ADHD a deficit in attention?
If you struggle with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), are you really suffering from a deficit of attention? Many people diagnosed with ADHD would not consider themselves at a deficit of attention and focus, but rather an unlimited amount of both. The frustrating and unfortunate part is that someone with ADHD does not get to choose where that attention and focus go. You may want to focus on that report for work, but with the pull of a drug dependency, you are researching some arbitrary topic you have hyperfocused on.
Too often, the general public latches on to the picture of a kid who can’t sit still when they think of ADHD. Because this can be a noticeable symptom in childhood, other symptoms, especially those not specifically called out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), are overlooked or not even treated.
Other symptoms of ADHD
Many of the bigger things adults with ADHD struggle with are emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity, and task switching. None of the aforementioned symptoms are directly identified in the DSM, and much of what is caters to a younger population (under 18) and ignores tools created by the individual who has lived in a normal society with the disorder for a large portion of their lives without even knowing it.
So, for a change of pace, I want to talk about those symptoms in this ADHD article, instead of the traditional restless lack of focus you read about somewhere else. Because this might get in-depth, I’m also going to break it up into a few parts.
Emotional Regulation
Struggling with emotional regulation is incredibly common amongst adults with ADHD. This can result in isolating behavior that can further perpetuate the lack of regulation. With a lack of regulation, when a strong emotion comes on, it becomes the driver of the car. Think of it like a thermostat in your house. When your house gets too hot, the thermostat detects the rise in temperature and turns on the air conditioning. People that struggle with emotional regulation kind have a fucked up thermostat.
The anger (heat) rises, but the regulator (thermostat) doesn’t recognize it, and therefore can’t cool it down. Sometimes, especially when you introduce therapy and mindfulness, the regulation can begin when it should, but still operates slower than a normal thermostat would.
Emotional Regulation & ADHD: A violent relationship
As an example, I always go to the violent reaction to anger. This is partially because it’s relatable to many people (especially men), but also because giving an extreme example always helps drive the point home. In this example, you are doing a home project or craft project. You have hyperfocused on the directions and followed them exactly. However, when you are trying to finish the last section, nothing is fitting like it should. You start out annoyed, then you check the directions again and confirm you did it right. After confirming you were right, you go back and it’s still not fitting. Your annoyance quickly becomes anger. Now you are trying to force it, but it won’t fit. Finally, you end up breaking a piece of the project, further pissing you off, which you channel into putting the hammer into a breakable home surface.
Now, with a hole in the wall, tile, floor, or wherever you put the hammer, you feel some relief from the act of physical aggression, but also a new emotion: shame. You step outside and notice a piece of material on the ground you must have dropped. Going inside, you place it where it goes and now the project is able to be finished. You should feel fine now, right?
Truth be told, even without the hammer in the wall, a lot of people with ADHD would still struggle to come down from that anger. Regardless of the project being done. Regardless of everything being cleaned up. Turning that emotion off, or even turning it down, is extremely difficult.
Emotional Regulation: When you do the work
This situation looks different when you have done some work on your ADHD. First, medication can help that thermostat work better. Outside of that, however, let’s review what happens with the addition of therapy and mindfulness. When you do therapy to address these issues and incorporate a level of mindfulness (specifically breathing and grounding exercises), you can make more decisions about actions that have otherwise felt out of control.
When the first sign of ‘annoyed turning to anger’ appears, you can do breathing exercises to calm your nerves. You can also do grounding exercises to bring you more present with where you are, not where your anger is taking you. This will also help if you still get to that boiling point that puts the hammer in the wall. Through therapy, you add space between that stimulus (something breaking or not fitting) and your reaction (hammer meets wall). In that space, you can talk yourself down, recognize your default action, and change your reaction to a thoughtful response.
Next up: Rejections Sensitivity Dysphoria & ADHD
Emotional regulation also plays a role in the second symptom we are going to discuss in our next session: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD). RSD shows up anytime there is actual or perceived rejection. This typically sends you spiraling and you struggle to regulate the onslaught of negative emotions. Follow along for more on RSD in the next article.
Curious how you can get a better handle on your ADHD symptoms? Let’s talk!
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