ADHD & Rejection Sensitivity
Continuing our three parts on ADHD symptoms that are overlooked by classic diagnostics, we move to RSD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria can often be a debilitating symptom of ADHD. It often either gets lumped in with emotional regulation (definitely related), or isn’t even clocked as a symptom by many uninformed clinicians.
Let’s start by defining what RSD is and then move on to an example that you may relate to if you have ADHD. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is just what it sounds like: a sensitivity to real or perceived rejection. That latter part, perceived rejection, is very important. In many cases, it’s not an actual rejection that someone is dealing with, but a sense of being rejected based on the context of a conversation or situation. That’s not to say there isn’t real rejection happening, as well, but it’s still important to remember context. The final part is dysphoria. Dysphoria is a state of persistent low mood, often characterized by irritability, unhappiness, discontent, and more.
So, when we put the whole thing together, if we are defining RSD in layman’s terms, it’s a sense of feeling rejected that makes you spiral. This could look like defensiveness, dramatic attempts at immediate repair, or simply shutting down. Let’s give a couple of examples of this to try and better understand it.
ADHD and Actual Rejection
For our first example, let’s use some actual rejection. This may be more relatable to people regardless of whether or not they suffer from ADHD symptoms. So for this example, you applied for a promotion, and you end up not getting it. They pass you up for a different applicant. There are many ways to handle this, both healthy and unhealthy, but no matter which way you cut it, you have been rejected. Many people in this case will observe that the other candidate was more qualified, or ask for specific feedback that shows the exact reasons why. They may identify areas they can improve. You may feel angry, sad or frustrated that you didn’t get the position. These are all normal reactions to this rejection. The spiral and dysphoria comes in when you decide this is a blanket statement for how terrible you are at your job. You suddenly feel like you hate the entire company. You look at the person that got the job as a one-to-one enemy. This entire process floors you and ruins the rest of your day, maybe even your week, or worse.
ADHD & Perceived Rejection
The other- and sometimes more common -form of rejection is perceived rejection. This can happen with something as innocuous as someone thoughtlessly interrupting you. Maybe you’re recalling your day to your partner and you are talking about something that really excited you. Your partner, remembering something they wanted to mention before they forget, interrupts you. They quickly apologize and ask you to continue. You, however, feel this gut feeling of rejection and almost have to fight to actually continue telling your story. There is an undeniable defensiveness that comes up all because of this perceived rejection. Depending on the situation, this can kill your entire evening or start an argument, all because you have this built in response.
Do you relate to this and want to talk about it more? Reach out and let’s connect!
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