For our final part in our series on overlooked symptoms of ADHD, we are going to talk about task switching. This is something all of us struggle with sometimes. In simple terms, task switching is just that: switching from one task to another. For most people, this is just a regular part of life and is really no big deal. It’s like when you have a day off of work and you want to get a bunch of stuff done. For many people, going from writing the grocery list to vacuuming the floor to reorganizing the pantry is no big deal. Your mind recognizes the current task is ending and starts prepping for the next one.
ADHD and the Resistance to Task Switching
For many people with ADHD, this switch from one thing to another feels like an active rebellion. There is an almost gut feeling of resistance to starting the next task. This is especially true if you have something more fun or novel in front of you. It’s not that you don’t want to empty the dishwasher. In fact, there may even be a string of logical thought reminding you that it will only take you seven minutes to do it, and you’ll feel that hit of dopamine afterwards from finishing it. Still, you actively have to resist your own mind and body.
That resistance is the real pain in the ass of the whole thing. It’s the thing a lot of neurotypical people can’t seem to understand about their neurodivergent counterparts. Sometimes, in order to do a basic task like any of the ones previously mentioned, a person with ADHD has to actively go against what their mind and body are telling them to do. Sometimes, even negative consequences don’t matter, because at the time, they are out of sight and therefore, out of mind.
Task Switching in a Relationship
In my work, I see this as the ultimate source of issues between partners. In a couple where one person is neurodivergent (specifically ADHD) and the other isn’t, there is going to be an ongoing conflict in this arena. The neurotypical person will exclaim things like “How many times do I have to remind you?!” or “I feel like I’m your mother, telling you what to do.” This typically leads to arguments, shame spirals, frustration (see a lack of emotional regulation), and then an eventual explosion. There are some people that may hear this and think the neurotypical person should be more understanding and empathetic of the person with ADHD. I will say ‘yes, and…’
Are empathy and understanding important in a relationship? Absolutely. However, so is accountability. It is important for all of us to recognize our behaviors, our desire to change, and take the steps required to make that change. I always compare it to an alcoholic saying something along the lines of “I can’t help it, I’m an alcoholic”, blaming the disease instead of themselves for the actions they take when they’re drunk. While it is vital that an ADHD person’s partner recognize, empathize, and understand, it is also just as important that the ADHD person understands themselves, acknowledges the frustrating reality that their brain functions differently than most people, and develop tools to work with that functionality, instead of fighting against it.
The 10-Minute Timer for ADHD Task Switching
With task switching, there are a number of helpful tools. The one I recommend the most is something simple called the ‘10-minute timer’ or ‘10-minute rule.’ This works exactly like it sounds. Set a timer for 10 minutes when you know you are going to have to do something. This could be anything. Homework, clean the bathroom, make a grocery list, etc. Set the timer and commit to doing whatever that task is for the entirety of the 10-minutes. Then, when the timer goes off, decide if you want to keep going or not. In most cases, people with ADHD struggle to start the task, so when the 10-minutes is up, they’re fine to continue working. The caveat is, if the timer goes off and you’re still feeling that dread, it’s okay to quit the task. No guilt. No shame.
What else do you want to explore about ADHD? What other topics interest you? Contact me and let me know!
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