Light Bulb Moments Counseling

As some of you may know, I went to my first large conference in August of this year: the American Psychological Association (APA) conference in Denver, CO. That conference left me with a sour taste on conferences as a whole in this field. I didn’t see myself represented. Everyone was high falutenant and fun was not on the list at all. Jokes and humor were shared quietly and shamefully between PhD’d professors in dark corners, like two teens trying to hide a dick joke from the principal at lunch time. Everyone was stressed out about their second doctorate or their reference page. There was a lack of human understanding at a conference dedicated to better understanding humans. 

In direct contrast, this past weekend I attended the International ADHD conference. I knew it would be different because it was so specialized, but my guard was still up after APA. It should be noted that all of these look the same on the outside. The black stage and curtains of the main room; the registration booths (same as ComicCon); the large exhibit hall for vendors; the large graphics and letter balloons. It would take more than content for me to flip my script. Thankfully, I started my week out with an ace in the hole.

Day 1

Before the conference even began on day one, though, there was a welcome breakfast. This was where I would hold myself accountable. I would lean into the things that scared me, because I knew they weren’t actually that scary once they began. After filling my plate with deliciousness, I looked for a large 8-top table that was empty that I could sit at alone. Then, I saw another guy sitting alone. I made my choice in the moment and sat down at his table. I introduced myself and we began talking. Soon another guy joined us, then another, and then a couple women after that. Each person that sat down triggered a new introduction from me. After that breakfast, I had made a few new friends. Admittedly, I first only knew them as Cleveland, Iowa, Chicago, and the Grand Rapids ladies. That was my lack of being able to remember a name for the life of me. I can now say that I truly enjoyed my breakfast with Ryan, Kourosh, Jenny, Robin, and…Iowa guy (j/k, his name is Tyler).

Heading back down in the elevator, I met a somewhat confused, but friendly man named Scott. He had discovered what I did the day before, that each elevator bank goes to different parts of the hotel and none of it is organized in a way that makes you feel like you know where you’re going. We shared some jokes back and forth as I tried to explain what I had learned about the elevators, and then we both arrived at the mezzanine level and headed to the keynote speech. 

I didn’t know it at the time (even though everyone else did), but I had the privilege of watching one of the leading voices of this field speak. Dr. Dodson has been leading the field and advocating for ADHD and neurodivergent care for five decades. I found out two days later that he is the person responsible for the term Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is something I talk to my clients about all the time. He spoke firmly, but with a sense of humor you knew came out in spades around the ones he loves. 

With the keynote done, though, and Jenny on the road, I was ready to call it a day. More Netflix followed by some melatonin and I was out for the evening. 

Day 2

There are some people that believe things happen for a reason. I am a fan of the randomness of coincidence, but I’m not sure I buy into the reasoning. Either way, you could file the morning of Day 2 as one of those things. I had planned on attending the morning walk and talk, which I would later find out was quite fun and interesting, but instead, I opted for breakfast in the lounge. I love my Marriott Platinum status and use it whenever I can. Sorry, not sorry. Before I tell you about a level of panic and nervousness I haven’t experienced in a long time, I should give you some context.

I am no stranger to celebrity. I worked on TV shows and movies for a period in my early 20s and have been on many stages, big and small, with my guitar and a microphone. I even attend the Motor City Comic Con every year to meet some of the people I’m a big fan of. The first year I did this, I met Pauly Shore and drove him to a festival in Ohio, where we hung out with the Foo Fighters. That’s a story for another time, though. I tell you all of this to underline how shocked I was when my body reacted severely to seeing a psychologist that I follow on social media. 

Recognizing her, my body reacted before my mind could. I felt my blood suddenly leave my limbs and my palms became sweaty. Shocked by this reaction, I also got quite frustrated with myself. I have been in too many situations where I had an opportunity to meet or talk to someone that I passed up, so I knew this sudden physiological reaction wasn’t going to stop me. At the same time, though, I hadn’t felt this physically nervous since I was about to meet Neve Campbell, who I had a crush on since I was 14 years old. I knew what I had to do, but had to wait for the right moment- Nope, never mind, she’s leaving. 

As she and Dr. Dodson got up, I went around to their table, apologized for being rude and interrupting, essentially dismissed Dr. Dodson (seriously, sorry about that, man), and told Dr. Hamdani how important her content was. She asked what my name was and what I did. I gave her my card and told her I’d love to talk to her more on a podcast I am currently prepping (more to follow on that). I thanked her again and quickly left in a nervous panic. Mortified and thrilled at the same time, I went to my room to breathe for a moment, but not before the only other person in the lounge saw me do everything and say “Hey, good idea.” and went to say hello, herself. 

As the day went on, I saw Dr. Brandi Bolling speak at her keynote. She is a perfect example of how to be a speaker. Engaging, vulnerable, humorous, and still incredibly informative. Then, as I approached a break in the day, I decided to act on something I wanted to do at APA, but chickened out. I wanted to make a sign and invite people to stop and talk with me. Staying on topic, I made a sign that said “Tell me about your hyperfocus” and then went downstairs and looked for a good seating area to plant myself. As I mosied through the mezzanine level, I ended up stumbling onto a networking evet that was already happening and who should I see at a table of strangers? Scott Keel. My buddy from the elevator. Finding comfort in familiarity, I joined the table.

After revealing my sign and idea to the group, we discussed hyperfocus for a bit. I met Christie Courtland, a mother who will eventually finish a canoe she carved. I learned more about Scott, a doctor from Virginia with an interest in woodworking and a bunch of his grandfather’s tools. I met Melissa Llewellyn Snider, the cohost of a podcast called Hypercast. I met Kat Sweeny, a former teacher with a personal fan on her at all times. Others stopped by, but I was so happy to sit there and have conversations with people who knew the struggles and hilarity of our shared condition. This was more than I could have hoped for with my sign and seat idea. 

After a couple more sessions, it was time to get ready for the talent show. I am never one to shy away from a stage, so when the opportunity presented itself to sign up for a talent show, not only did I sign up, but also wrote a song specifically for the event, called ADHD. We had to show up a couple hours early for sound and tech setup, and that’s where I met another guitarist playing in the show, Ryan Judd. Ryan was playing Spanish guitar and we ended up sitting together and bonding for a while. He is from New Hampshire and does music therapy, which had me interested, for sure. 

There is a certain privilege to being the first to hear such amazing talent in-person. I want to give credit to all of the folks that participated, but want to zero in on the musicians and singers that brought the fricking house down. Brittany, Kathryn, and Marianna came to the stage and transformed their small physical forms into a force that engulfed a square block of downtown Kansas City. Brittany brought a level of pride in self and combined it with a voice that sneaks up on you. Speaking of voices that sneak up on you, Kathryn’s rendition of Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel would surely land her the lead in any Broadway musical. Then, closing it down, Marrianna came on stage and killed it with Defying Gravity. Everyone was floating! 

During Ryan’s guitar medley, I found myself entranced, closing my eyes to fully feel the music flow through me. It’s no wonder this guy does music therapy. The emcee, Mike Fedel, even brought his guitar on stage for some hilarity about the next big prescription drug. When I was able to play my song, it felt special in a way that a performance hasn’t made me feel before. As a songwriter, you always hope you can write something that someone will connect to. With this audience and these lyrics, though, I didn’t have to hope or wonder. I knew when I wrote it that all of the people there knew exactly what I was saying. That was confirmed after the show when numerous people approached me to share how much they enjoyed and connected with it. This was shown the most by my new friend, Erika Shapiro. She is from the Bay area and completely changed her life before joining this community and realizing ADHD was a centerpoint of who she was. 

Day 3

The next morning, I felt like a small town celebrity. Everywhere I went in the hotel, someone stopped me or congratulated me for my performance the night before. Ryan sent me a video he took, and then I ran into Scott, who it turns out was there in the audience, and he also sent me a video. On top of that, I ran into the other ADHD influencer I follow and forward to clients when appropriate, Kelly Baumgartner (@kellybaums). When I told her I sometimes send her content to my clients, she asked what I did. I responded that I was a therapist and she expressed a sense of reassurance that someone in my position would be sharing her content. That stuck with me and when I bumped into her again, I made sure to remind her that my position doesn’t matter and that the stuff she’s putting out there is amazing because she is amazing. I’m sure I wasn’t that eloquent, but either way, I hope the point got across. 

After the keynote on Saturday, a fiery political call to action by Matt Cohen, I decided to use the break I had in my agenda to go to a four-story antique mall I had spotted when I was looking at shops in Kansas City. I went there for the same reasons I always do: artwork and 80s/90s pop culture stuff; but when I started browsing, I found myself noticing things that reminded me of the new people I had met. I decided to get a few of them a little gift to say thank you for the company and maybe something to remind them to shoot me an email once in a while, since the next conference is over a year away. I came back with gifts for most of the people I have mentioned so far and, throughout the rest of the day, hunted them down and gave them their little trinkets and presents. 

Finally, the conference was coming to a close, and the closing party was about to begin. I haven’t been the life of the party since I quit drinking in 2019, but I also am never one to pass up a good party. This rule goes double when there is a full band. As the gates were opened, I caught up with Mike. Once inside, I spotted Carolyn, Brittany, and Kathryn. It wasn’t long before everyone was there, dancing and enjoying themselves. One attendee I had not met, pulled me over to her table to put her orange boa around me because it matched my Taylor Swift cardigan. I wore it proudly and watched from the sidelines. I find that I do a lot of watching from the sidelines when there is drinking and dancing and crowds. I’m fine with it, but someone is always trying to pressure me to “get out there” and “go have fun”, but I like observing. You know what I observed during this? No one tried to pressure me to go out on the floor and do anything I didn’t feel comfortable doing. No one. That’s crazy. 

At one point, I went up one floor to get a picture of the entire party, to which the photographer, who apparently thought I had a good idea, followed me to do the same. After he left, I slowly made my way back down the steps, feeling the pull to go to bed more than the pull to hang out longer. Then, I heard them begin to announce the results of a 50/50 raffle. They had put together a raffle to raise funds for scholarships, which is something I would like to be doing with my own nonprofit, but until then, I was happy to donate to this one. I spent $100 on tickets throughout the weekend, and as they announced it, I quickly finished my trot down the staircase and marched toward the stage, my fingers in the air and crossed for good luck. As I heard my name called, I let out an excited shout and hopped on the stage. I made a couple jokes, true to form, and felt like that was a good place to start winding down my evening. 

Throughout the conference, I kept trying to reference other moments that had happened during the conference, and it all felt like days, even weeks earlier. The fact that this was only three days still boggles my mind. I know there is science behind life feeling longer and more full when you are trying and doing new things, so maybe that was the effect there. Either way, it’s something I want to keep going. I know I can’t exactly go to educational sessions all day every day, meet new people who share very specific traits, and write a song and win a raffle. What I can do, though, is write a blog post or an email. Have a Zoom or a phone call. I can keep in touch and pass along what I learned and continue to make the most of this experience by sharing my feelings and thoughts with others, especially the ones that helped make it such a great experience.